faded photos yellowed with age
faces trapped upon a page

a gang of four caught in time
now grown old like vintage wine

old shoes with strings for laces
my best friends with dirty faces

all those friends from years gone by
where are they now, and where am i?

Trying to remember to remember

But you're not here
I sit and rot peacefully
There seems to be no way around this
its been about a year

You're not here.

I am a haunted man. Haunted by ghosts of days dead and gone; haunted with regrets and by the faces and voices of those who were dear to me: the well remembered friends of old, who have passed into the beyond, where let us hope, there is peace and joy. I beliieve there is, beyond these fleeting scenes, that place where the good and excellent friends whom one misses so greatly have gone, and that they are not wholly unconscious of what passes here. dear friends; perhaps they know us even better now than then; and it may be they rejoice in our joys. They cannot sorrow over-much our sorrows; because if they know anything at all, they must know how small a space of time it is.

This consoles me a very great deal for the turmoil of these days, when life, as i see it, is very like some overpopulated ant heap kicked over by a wanton foot: the unhappy inhabitants of it hurrying hither and thither without any sense of direction. But i am by no means an unhappy man; indeed no. Life is the greatest of all practical jokes, if you can have the wit to see it.
And I, beg to say that my regrets, whatever they may be, are certainly not for misspent youth.
They are the regrets which must come to all, whether saint or sinner.
I love to be haunted in the manner I have described, by the thoughts of those dear ones. Thank God for ones friends. Without them, and the memory of them when they are gone, what would this be but some pitiful pilgrimage?

And, as for those who were not friendly; for the scornful, the spiteful, the malicious; well I supopose they have gone tot heir own place. Let us say to the bosom of Ahrimanes. This may be unchristian; but it is eminently human.

.

DEATH, ALWAYS CRUEL

by: Dante Alighieri (1265-1321)

DEATH, always cruel, Pity's foe in chief,
Mother who brought forth grief,
Merciless judgment and without appeal!
Since thou alone hast made my heart to feel
This sadness and unweal,
My tongue upbraideth thee without relief.

And now (for I must rid thy name of ruth)
Behoves me speak the truth
Touching thy cruelty and wickedness:
Not that they be not known; but ne'ertheless
I would give hate more stress
With them that feed on love in very sooth.

Out of this world thou hast driven courtesy,
And virtue, dearly prized in womanhood;
And out of youth's gay mood
The lovely lightness is quite gone through thee.

Whom now I mourn, no man shall learn from me
Save by the measure of these praises given.
Whoso deserves not Heaven
May never hope to have her company.

Yesterday

It feels like everything is back to normal. I say normal. But my version of normal is constant change. before I get used to something I prefer to be thrown into something Im totally out of my depth in. I hate the mundane and predictable. I hate arguing with myself. I hate the way i hate things. I hate how little I really know about the world.
There are things I probably hate that I cant comprehend.
I find it fascinating how one day you can feel alone in the world, then out of nowhere something beautiful happens and the coin gets flipped.
You can have all the money in the world but no time, all the time in the world but no money.
You could know a thousand people by name and still never have a single friend you can rely on.
You could have a gift and squander it. You could see a gift as a nuisance or one of your worst skills and still people would envy you for it.
There are a lot of talentless people out there. Lots of lost souls not even knowing what theyre searching for. Incapable of communication, hideous in appearance with minds beyond coherency or comprehension. Why do we fail to notice the world we live in and eachother.
Walking bags of flesh.

Not my problem.

He said she said bullshit. No thankyou.

US AND THEM WTF gtf out of here with that shit.

Is it more important to like someone or respect them?
Do words really matter?

Anger is a great energy. It can be a fuel for change, without these feelings we fail to progress.

Sometimes getting involved and trying to help can have the complete opposite effect. This is why I dont give a flying fuck.

Im a happy person it takes a lot to piss me off, just dont do it.



Im at a point where I see great things ahead of me, and a lot of things behind me trying to drag me down. Just a lot of juvenile shit I could care less about. Infact I dont care at all.

Sometimes I feel like a puppy. A puppy that has grown into a strong snarling wolf that has abandoned the house of his old dead master.

So many good things happening in my life, a lot of characters and individuals that make me laugh and appreciate laughter, as opposed to a nervous chuckle forced from uncomfortable silence. No longer am I thinking ''is this it?'' more like ''this is it''.

I love life

I feel like im running through the slaughterhouse shoving hanging carcasses aside, slipping on the bloodstained iced over floor. Breathing in the cold dead putrid air. Through blue and grey mist I ignore the rousse of coagulation staining my pure white clothes. Outside she waits making a phone call. I throw her the keys, remove the butchers overalls and drive away into the blinding sunlight one eye a squint.
To the beach. Everyone is there. The silhouette of a fox in the dusk watching us as we joke around the fire. We talk of how silly we were back then, and how we conquered lifes challenges and made it through. There is no resentment here; no jealousy no anger or lust.
I wake to a familiar alarm and press snooze but Im still there, still happy with everything Ive achieved. I still have love for every character Ive had the honour and privilege of meeting.
I think back to days before our world warped, My heart sinks in an instant. After all the planning hard work and perseverance... Im still here.
Love doesnt increase in value the longer you hold onto it, infact it does quite the opposite.
Set it free
Watch it fly.
Go out there and be the best person you can be, be yourself and revel in it. Never change for anyone elses needs. May you stumble where others fell and spit on those who failed. Rip out the throats of those who try to manipulate you. Bludgeon those who corner you and try to rape your rights. Scratch and bite for every ounce of your worth. You are strong. You are what exists now did then and ever will. If they want to hurt you kill them first.
So what if people change, if you dont like it find others. Its not your job to change them back or fix what isnt broken. If you being you is too much. Move on.
Its so easy to get stuck. Its not hard to become a victim. We love to blame others for things we destroy, and we will insist we are not wrong even when enough time has passed for the world to forget.
Gossip
Conversations

Arguments, agreements, advice, answers,
Articulate announcements
Its only talk

Babble, burble, banter, bicker bicker bicker
Brouhaha, boulderdash, ballyhoo
Its only talk

Comments, cliches, commentary, controversy
Chatter, chit-chat, chit-chat, chit-chat,
Conversation, contradiction, criticism
Its only talk
Cheap talk

Debates, discussions
These are words with a d this time
Dialogue, dualogue, diatribe,
Dissention, declamation
Double talk, double talk

Talk, talk, its all talk
Too much talk
Small talk
Talk that trash
Expressions, editorials, expugnations, exclamations, enfadulations
Its all talk

jets

you dont need an education to know what class youre in.
I said 'girl hey what do you do' she said 'not much but im sure its more than you'

T

The rain gives wind
A desire i may never know
In all honesty frustrated
Happy where I am.
Looking for no answers
A dirty glance
In a moment of desperation
Regardless of communication
She moves in.
Its true you've got to know what you want and go get it.
They will always be chasing you
Dont forget it.
Draw your days
Those you assume are looking out for you may well not.
Pleasant suprise
Some friends you forgot
And some you thought were not
Their ranks fall
What
A
Timely demise!
You dont remember them at all.